genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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