The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
