I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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