Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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