I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
