Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
