A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
