And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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