New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
