I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he fucked my hip out of place.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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