I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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