Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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