i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
