Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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