Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
