I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
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Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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