yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
