Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
