My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
