It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
