marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
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Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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