dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Life is so much better after having sex.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
