So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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