the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
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Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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