I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Randomize
