Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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