the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
