morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
