My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
