you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My pussy is not your playground.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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