Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
