I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
