Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
