I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
