She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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