dude i'm inner monologue high
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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