Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
