I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
