Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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