so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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