anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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