either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
