she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
