Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
