i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
