Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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