Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Randomize
