O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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