Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
