hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
