Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
