i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
