i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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