so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
