his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I didn't notice because vodka
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
