I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
