It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
