He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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