Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
