eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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