I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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