Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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