Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
