Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
