either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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