I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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