she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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