Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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