i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
