She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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