My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
