Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
